I recall a few years back, in which I had a manager that I thought was the nicest woman ever, until one day I realized she really wasn’t all that nice. We would often swap stories on dating, family and life in general (something I do not recommend with a manager). We would spend countless hours after work hanging around and chit chatting and even spent an hour or two during working hours doing the same.
When either of us went on vacation we would bring the other a thoughtful gift back from wherever our new adventure took us. She was nice until she realized that I could be the new her, that I was liked more by our colleagues and employees would seek me out for guidance before they spoke to her about anything. I can only imagine how much this bothered her being the Director and me being mid-level. I soon found out she’d stop being so nice when I became a threat to her job (in her mind). Once she made that determination that I could take her position (which was a real possibility), she stopped training me, wouldn’t develop me (no matter how much I asked) and even excluded me from meetings.
The reality is you could be sweet as pie, likeable, work hard and trustworthy, and still deal with workplace drama. It’s sad to say but sometimes managers or colleagues are complete asses that have a warped approach of how to collaborate and function as a team. I’ve seen attitudes of “why should I help you” or “for each their own” rather than partnership. That type of attitude and approach will only take you so far, but it’s sad to say there are those who have succeeded in that manner (although the majority do not).
But here is a trick I used with my Director, whenever she was being mean to me and keeping me out of the loop concerning work projects, I never disrespected her or treated her rudely. Not one time, not ever! This is where emotional intelligence comes into play, one of the top skills companies are looking for in employees. I kept my composure (as hard as that was) and asked for clarification on projects or if she could keep me updated. Sometimes she did, most times she did not.
Of course there were times I cried to my mom, sister or whatever guy I was dating at the time, but I could never give my boss a reason to say to anyone, that I was negative in any way. That’s why it’s important to have relationships with other people on your team and in your organization, especially people that know your manager or even your managers manager (where possible) so that if ever your manager spoke ill of you, the person would question the validity of the assertion because their direct experience with you has been different.
Before you go jumping to make new friends, let me warn you that key ingredient to my success in all of this was being authentic and genuine, smiling, being open and being receptive. If this is your natural temperament then that is great news for you, get to work! If not, no fret it just takes a little time and re-framing of your mind and thoughts. In all your work interactions being genuine is key. We all know when someone is not being their authentic selves, so why couldn’t someone tell that about us?
If you’ve had a similar experience to the one I had, it’s okay to create healthy boundaries with those around you and to protect yourself. Just never stop smiling or being authentically you! All of that work sugar you pass out will force everyone to love on ya (I promise – you still may run into a few meanies though). There were plenty of days I felt like I was losing that battle, but I stuck to my guns and won the war. Was it challenging a lot of the time? HELL YEAH (notice the caps…lol). But because I was true to myself, I was offered a greater job in the end, in fact her job – which I eventually turned down and left to a much larger and greater company.
My experience with this manager is a big reason why Work Sugar came to be. So I thank her, I kept focused and stayed sweet, making sure my work sugar was as sweet as could be.
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